Back to work

Today was my first day back to work. It was terribly hard and my whole heart and head was raging with emotions.

Just because I have gone back to work today doesn’t mean I don’t love you. In fact it’s the hardest thing I’ve had to do so far. I’ve been gone for 12 hours today.

Just because I have hardly seen you today doesn’t mean I don’t love you. We’ve spent the last 12 months together and it felt so weird today not seeing you wake before I left for work and then getting home to find you were so tired it was bedtime straight away.

Just because I cried when I saw you tonight doesn’t mean I don’t love you. It was purely a build up of emotions over the day that I couldn’t control and it was bursting out my eyes when I walked through the door.

Just because I was only able to FaceTime you for a very short time today doesn’t mean I don’t love you. It’s purely because I had to get back to work and if I could have spent all afternoon cooing over you through my phone I would have.

Just because I forgot to pack nanny enough muslins doesn’t mean I don’t love you.

Just because you sleep in your own room and you have since week 3 doesn’t mean I don’t love you. I have made this decision for your own benefit to feel like you have your own space and your own safe haven at night time.

Just because I need to take a break sometimes doesn’t mean I don’t love you. It just means I need to take 5 minutes on my own in another room just to gather my thoughts and think how the hell am I going to get you to stop crying.

Just because I let you cry ‘it’ out sometimes doesn’t mean I don’t love you. Whatever ‘it’ is. I most definitely do love you.

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